Q2 2024: Life by Sow Wrapped
a lil insider scoop into what happened through this last quarter!!!
I usually look forward to writing this piece at the end of every quarter. An excuse to reflect and piece together all the connecting dots of intersecting themes in my life from the past 3 months.
But sitting down to write this piece was… hard. I could have found time to sneak into my little writing corner and get this quarterly update out at any point. But each time I sat down in my chair to write, my crippling fear won and forced me to roll away from my desk.
After six instances of publicly posting neatly packaged collections of quarterly reflections and revelations, I was afraid that I just let 3 months pass without doing anything to warrant such a think piece.
The worst reality for any writer felt like it emerged at the surface: I feared that I had nothing to say.
I sat with that prickly feeling for a long while. I almost didn’t push this piece out. I imagined that it would be the death of my writing “career” of sorts.
I know I was being dramatic in retrospect - but aren’t we almost always when we’re thinking about who we are or who we could be? Sometimes the drama of it all turns into ambition, and sometimes it leads you to spiraling into a rut.
To climb out of this very specific rut, I went back and read through every single one of my journal entries from this quarter.
What I’ve realized is that for the past 3 months, I just literally lived life like I probably will live life for the majority of the rest of my life instead of how I usually live life.
For a change, I lived every day as it came.
I’ve fallen into the habit for years now of planning things months in advance, stacking them with travel and people, packing them with big life plans, shifts, and goals. As much as I tried to sit in the present on a daily basis, I lived in the future of it all.
When there are so many new things happening, it’s easy to find and scribble down new reflections, learnings and pieces of wisdom for the self. And for the first time in a damn long time, I’ve allowed myself to settle into the busy of the everyday, without constantly trying to live out a life in the tomorrow. I conflated the wonder in living this new sort of life for a misguided placement of failure on my behalf.
I still had and have dreams and ambitions, had and have travel plans, had and have adventures both planned and spontaneous - but by virtue of committing to building a home and community in LA instead of living out of my suitcase, I also was naturally more able to live more intentionally in the everyday.
In my last quarterly post, I set aside some goals for myself:
I read this list this morning and literally cracked a goofy little smile at my screen. Huh, why isn’t that so silly? I fully did exactly what I hoped to do, yet allowed myself to feel like that wasn’t enough? There is no harsher critic than the self.
My prediction ended up right: these last few months were really busier than ever. I couldn’t even tell you with what unless I look at my calendar and my journal.
And that’s what the magic of actually living in the present is. Amongst the already planned things, I was busy showing up for things that were popping up in real time, for my old friends, for my new friends, for the arts, for my family, and for myself.
Some Quarterly Highlights:
So much good, a little bad, so much adventure, a few unremarkable days. But no matter the day, I treated each day within the parameters of its own day, and tried to wake up each new morning with a reset to take on just another day. I’ll take that as a win.
I wrote a lot more consistently on Substack and in my personal archives.
On the flip side, I’ve also been consuming so much more content that’s been immensely inspiring - film, theatre, live screenings, books, music - which has also motivated me to start my served by sow series. Front row seat to the rap beef online, screening with people like Vijay Sethupathi sitting a row in front of me, friends performing incredible solo shows… the diversity of experiences - chef’s freaking kiss.
I’ve restarted boxing again with an incredible trainer.
I bought a creami and a kindle. Who said material goods couldn’t bring you infinite joy?
Through the packed routines of life, I was able to make quality time with my parents and my brother. In so many ways, they’re the people that have always made it easy for me to live in the present, even when I found it hard to.
I’ve had the best times with my friends and family over the little and big adventures both here in LA and in different cities, and it goes without saying that they make the everyday just feeling that much more special.
Looking Ahead
As I reflect about it all and think about what I want for myself in Q3, I do think I could slow down a bit.
Slowing down does feel like going against the grain of who I am. However, I’m starting to feel my own lifestyle drain my body and mind out.
Maybe it’s restarting the habit of waking up at sunrise again to make time for myself and energize my introvert battery, or saying no to things, or carving out intentional blocks of time to do absolutely nothing. Solo date days have been wonderful, but maybe rot days could be powerful.
It feels silly and a little bit obvious to treat the future like the future, and to treat the present like the present. Live in the present, they say, but have dreams and ambitions for the future, they also say. And for people like me, that can get a bit confusing. You start living in the plans of the future, while wanting all the progress towards your dreams and ambitions happening in the present.
I do feel a sense of pride and joy to think that I was able to slowly reconfigure this for myself these last few months. There’s still work I need to do, I’m sure, but baby steps always.
Wish that hug lasted for bit more time. May be next time ☺️
Amazing how only upon reflection do we notice the subtle changes from daily life accumulating into the larger leaps 🐸