i swear to you that your body is worth more than the algorithm tells you it is | morning coffee crumbs, #4

you are made of stories and stardust.

Maybe it’s my algorithm.

Or maybe it’s the way the algorithm forces itself on to all of us because it knows that there is statistically a 83% higher chance of us watching this video to the end, and a subsequent 58% chance we search up similar videos, collectively increasing the time we spend on the app three-fold.

Just at the small expense of our mental health and sanity.

For today’s piece, I briefly examine the way media technologies have been constructed to set us up for hyper fixating upon our bodies in a way that guarantees cyclic failure, and give ourselves some words to maybe relieve ourselves of this chokehold these capitalist entities have on us. Because who are we to be defined and molded by these algorithms? We should be owning every bit of us that they fallaciously label as flaws.

We are more than skin that is pigmented and fat that needs to be trimmed and bodies that they want us to mold so that we can all be clones of an unattainable standard.

We are more than skin, fat, and bones; we carry generational stories and ancestral remnants in every fabric of our being. To question that is a denial of our truth. To recognize the beauty in that is power no one can take away from you.

Amidst pop culture and politics discourse on TikTok, I mindlessly scroll through a stream of sinisterly cleverly distributed videos that promote supplements, diet hacks, someone monologuing at you in a way that is disguised as gym advice when it’s really just a critique on what you’re already doing, and endless new things for us to obsess over fixing really nothing that needed fixing in the first place.

Every few days, I’m introduced to a new concept that conventionally attractive people on TikTok claim changed their entire physique and holistic health with an intensity like their life depends on it.

Do these:

Tart cherry juice, ashwagandha, magnesium pills, prebiotics, probiotics, replacing strength training with pilates, replacing cardio with strength training, replacing strength training with the stairmaster, replacing ALL working out with just low intensity cardio because otherwise our cortisol shoots up, the 12/3/30, the 15/5/15, glutamine, chlorophyll, 16/8, water fasts, bowel cleanses, sea moss, lymphatic drainage, colostrum, etc on etc on etc

to fix these:

gut health! hyperpigmentation! dark circles! hair loss! lack of glow! moon face! stubborn fat! sleep quality! cortisol! stress! the body that you have vs. the body the skinny white rich girl has! leaky gut! pcos! terminal illness! the reality of us being vincible!!!!!!!

And sadly, we all eat it up.

We look at ourselves more critically in the mirror, analyzing every flaw that only ever defined itself as a “flaw” because the media and society told us so, buying the supplements, or at least contemplating them, changing the way we go about our days and our habits, just to make something happen.

The algorithm feeds into these cycles because it serves every money-making entity in this process - the creators, the companies and partners that make money off of the platform, the platform itself. They don’t care that they’re skinning us into becoming a victim of our own hate. Hate breeds capitalistic practices and funnels more time spent scrolling through this content in this attention economy, all backed by a desire to change ourselves in acute ways promoted by these mediums.

The cycle never stops. You’re never going to be enough for them. There’s always going to be something you could be critical about, not because you should be, but because they know they can make you be.

But maybe, this morning, consider for a second this radical idea that I dare present to you at expense of dismantling every stupid construct that we’re forced to exist within:

You are enough.

You are more than enough.

You are more than just skin and bones,

and the tummy rolls and the stretch marks,

and the crooked nose that actually should be cherished for it is a tribute and tale of generations within your culture,

and the stubborn belly fat that your genetics make it difficult to lose for survival and evolutionary reasons that extend beyond our lifetimes,

and the dark circles that come after a string of late nights with you laughing with your best friends, or studying till you fall asleep at your desk for you’re about to finish your degree and be the first in your family to do so, or taking care of your kids while doing 90 other things in a day because motherhood is taken for granted when it should be cherished every day,

and the breakouts that come after you indulge in a bit of extra sugar from the most amazing warm apple pie with ice cream that you impulsively got while out,

and the hundreds upon hundreds of other things that society, media, and people who profit off of your pain tell you that you should be care about.

You are what you tell yourself you are, and not what others tell you you are. - especially others who claim to know you when they don’t know you at all and talk at you and tell you how to live your life despite not knowing anything about who you are and the life that you live.

You deserve to live a lifestyle that you want for yourself - a lifestyle that is sustainable, that keeps you healthy, thriving, and energized. Whatever that means for you.

You deserve to not let the algorithm have sorcery over you; you are an individual of free will and not a puppet these entities oh-so-wish to make of you. You will not give them that sort of power.

You deserve to look at your mirror, and smile each time at the reflection that smiles back at you. Analogous to the way self-hate breeds everything the algorithm wants it to, the practice of everyday self-love breeds self-worth powered from within, and not the type we need validated by anyone but ourselves.

You are the stories of your ancestors.

You are the story you tell yourself.

You are made of star stuff.

And do not let anyone take that away from you.

A Quick Reflection

Writing this felt therapeutic and powerful, in a way that makes me feel like I’ve reclaimed a part of me that was stuck in hostage. I feel loved by someone I’ve always had my battle feeling the love from: myself.

I’ve had (and continue to have) my own journey with body image and dysmorphia. Sometimes, it gets difficult. Sometimes, it’s easy to remind myself of the beauty in just being. I’m currently in one of the thumbs up phases, but I know how easy it is to slip into the rocky zone when there are just the right number of triggers hit.

I fully intend to keep writing myself these love letters to the self, reminding myself that I am enough. Even if it’s just a sentence everyday, maybe that’s all the love we need in this space of hate everywhere.

I invite you to consider doing the same everyday, or maybe just once in a while. You deserve it.

Some Journaling Prompts:

1. How has society and social media impacted how you see yourself?

2. How do you want to see yourself? Do not think of specific “changes” to your physical self. Think feelings and emotions you want to feel about yourself.

3. What is one thing you can commit to doing this week to make you feel that way? Is there something you can do to reduce the power social media may have on you? Some ideas are practicing gratitude, reducing time on social media, tricking the algorithm into immediately scrolling past anything that tells you how to be)

4. Write a sentence or two or four or ten, that serve as a reminder that you are more than enough in the body that you belong in.

Ok you beautiful, beautiful, beautiful beings…

This journey to self love is not a switch that turns on overnight, even for me who wrote this entire love letter to how we are the star dust of our universe and the evidence of our ancestors.

But I trust that with practice, commitment, and promise to adoring and nurturing the self, the good days will outnumber the rough ones.

Now go look at yourself in the mirror, and smile at everything that smiles back at you.

You’re perfect, and I hope you have a perfect rest of your week.